Back on it!
Butterfly Girl
moon_and_water
Today marks the first day of my reboot. Instead of attempting to fast over a long period of time, I will be fasting three to four days a week, for a while, and not consecutively. Currently, my fasting pattern is to fast on Sunday & Monday, Thursday, alternating Wednesdays, and on Friday, I will only snack on veggies until dinner, which is the day I go out and eat whatever I would like. This leaves me free to have my treat meal on Friday, and hopefully, won't leave my stomach just insanely empty all the time, like attempting to fast for seven days did. Instead, it will be more like intermittent fasting that some people do, just padded out a bit more. My current caloric intake, on for the next four weeks or so, is going to be around 1200, except the treat meal on Friday. It really depends on how quickly I drop weight. I will be adjusting lower, every 15 lbs lost, until I'm out of an obese BMI (185). Between 185 and 145 (health BMI), I will probably increase my calories a bit and let it come off more slowly. But seriously, I have to get out of the obese range, like, NOW. Most people who are obese develop diabetes by 35. I know you can get it earlier and all, but while I'm not SUPER OBESE like those people who end up having diabetes at 20, the "deadline" is fast approaching. Gotta get this shit under control by any means necessary. I have read about people who did 800 calorie diets for six months, reversing their diabetes. What I am doing is about the same as that, overall. Actually it's probably a little better, because it forces my body for several days a week, where I'm completely running on glycogen storage. That seems like it will vastly improve insulin resistance.

Oh!  I'm drinking kava on my fasting days.  I didn't want to limit something that curbs anxiety so well, over what could not possibly be more than 150 calories.  That's assuming that kava, a starchy root, is as absorb-able as plain flour, and that I consumed the entire raw load of the kava material, which... much of it stays in the bag.  Like out of 6 tbsp, 4 of it is rough material that never gets through.  You're just extracting the active components from it by squeezing it out of rehydrated root.  So, pretty sure that the calories in kava are negligible.  People who regularly consume kava can confirm this, many of them reporting weight loss, even those who are not on calorie restricted diets.

Every time I think about what I'm doing, I see it as the least drama possible. I don't know why I wasn't able to try something like this sooner.  Maybe it was because I was paranoid about going the other direction on the eating disorder spectrum.  But it's really not possible.  I don't see myself as fat, even though I'm super thin already.  I mean, I've never been thin, and if anything, I have been far too forgiving of how fat I ACTUALLY am.  And I don't throw up food, or use laxatives to purge out food I have eaten.  I do binge a bit, but the fasting has actually helped me get it under control, when done over a period of several days.  Sure, if I wait too long on a meal on a regular day, I'll be inclined to eat too much.  But if I don't eat for a couple days, and then I have a planned-out meal.  I have used food to deal with all of my emotions, from good to bad. And I love food because it's delicious, and it nourishes me, and we all need some food in our lives, or we would just shrivel up and die. But fasting really helps me regear my head. It helps me realize how often I eat for the wrong reasons, and how much I eat that I don't need to eat. I ate a bunch of ice cream last night, just because I wanted to, but I have to stop doing that. The first couple of weeks after my five .. or was it six? day fast ended, I had a lot more control.  Due to the side pain I had during the first week, it was hard to even eat particularly much at times.

I think that one of the things that stresses me out about food, is how much time and labor have to go into food preparation when you eat, day in and day out.  And how if you want to weigh a healthy weight, you have to constantly monitor everything, or eat the same things over and over that you know don't make you fat.  But you know, I get tired of eating the same things.  I mean there's wonderful variety of the subtle nuances, but overall, most food is the same base components.  Nothing whets the appetite like a couple days of fasting, and it would make the food seem so much more delicious, even if it's made of things I've had 100,000 times.  As far as shopping and preparation goes, it is much less laborious, and so so much less drama for me, to think of one dish I want to eat, make two to three servings that week, and eat it during times I'm well hungered.  This week, during the days I eat, I am having smoothies made of kefir, a banana, and a frozen fruit bar (they're about 70 calories- it's an easy way to keep a variety of fruits without paying stupid prices), thickened with gluconnan- coupled with a small granola bar for breakfast.  Then in the evening, I will have a macaroni salad, with broccoli and bacon... maybe with a touch of cabbage, green onion, and carrot in there.  If I want, I can snack on some veggies for lunch, just whatever is in the fridge, hoping that I can eat them before they go bad.  I know I enjoy these foods well enough to eat them more than once, especially when I am actually quite hungry.

Ooowww
Butterfly Girl
moon_and_water
Okay, so fasting day began relatively well. But by the time a few hours had passed, the sharp gas pain in my side had returned with a VENGEANCE. I think I need a period of normal eating that is much longer than I had hoped. I will give it a week, maybe even two weeks, until my digestion feels like it's totally back to normal... and then try my plan again. Ugh, ow. x_x

I'll be back then- or sooner.

Eating Set 1: Day 2
Butterfly Girl
moon_and_water
So, everything has been going well so far. I am slightly disappointed to see the scale go back up again, but I know that it's SCIENTIFICALLY IMPOSSIBLE for me to have gained more than a single pound back, which isn't simply water weight. So I'm not going to get frustrated. I knew intellectually that some of the weight would HAVE to have been water weight, and now that I've had salt in my diet again, some will come back. I have been eating too clean and light for my body to have gained significant fat-weight, with the exception of Saturday. That's the only day where maybe, MAYBE, I could have put back on a FRACTION of a pound. I'd had to have eaten 3500 calories over my BMR + expended calories, and that just... isn't remotely likely. What I ate that day would have been somewhere between 2500 and 3000 calories. It's A LOT, but c'mon, I hadn't eaten in seven days. XD

Tomorrrow and Wednesday, such as they are in my book, will be fasting days, so I'll probably be venting my drama here again. I skipped making a post yesterday, even though I wanted to make sure I made a post every day! It was just such a low key, undisturbed day, even in terms of food. I probably made my salads a little bigger than intended, but I guess the point of the way I eat now, is to eat food where I don't have to tediously know that I've used EXACTLY one cup of this or that. I could probably eat all I wanted of vegetables and never be able to stay fat, over the long run. XD

So, for the fasting I'm going to be doing this month, and assuming I eat an average of 600 calories on the other days, I've done some math on the "real weight" weight loss I can anticipate. It goes as follows:

25 for the fasting days
11 for the eating days
-8 from the totals for the Fridays
Total loss expectance: 25-30 lbs across a miniscule 8 weeks

I could probably bump it toward the 30 lbs range by getting plenty of cardio, and fasting on Fridays before and after dinner, but I'm not going to force myself to do either of those things. I'll just do them when I'm up to doing them. I think at this point I'm creating a base lifestyle. This is a sort of thing I can do where, as I approach a lower and lower weight, I can begin to eliminate fasting days, until I am down to two per week. Then I can slowly add back into my diet lean protein, then whole grain and fruit. And then- only after I've been stable at a healthy weight for quite some time- healthy fats. I do not plan to re-add sugar and refined flour, except on my one weekly treat meal. All other times, they're o-u-t, OUT.

---
As for today, and yesterday's diet, things were just fine. I ate my kimchi, and all that and it was great. Well, the cabbage wasn't great. I do want to incorporate cabbage into my diet, but it's so incredibly gas-producing that it's going to be impossible to eat large quantities. I might try boiling it so that it's softer.

I also bought some kefir grains after just ONE glass of kefir, which is a good testament to how much I like it. I could EASILY drink it every day. And once I have some grains, it shouldn't matter how much kefir my roomie drinks, because it will just be a matter of sitting another jar out on the counter. :)

On the Subject of Continued Fasting
Butterfly Girl
moon_and_water
So, while my attempt to do a 33 (consecutive) day fast without some sort of retreat proved ineffective (maybe one day I'll have the courage for an enema), I do plan on continuing to fast for the full 33 days.  However, I will do this two days at a time, with two days of eating light, but bulky vegetable meals in between.  Over the course of the day today, I ate pretty well, if a bit SAD-y, and only indulged in some very natural, organic ginger ale (Reed's- no funny business there, just filtered fizzy water, honey, pineapple juice, ginger juice and spices), and two very tiny almond rocca.  I stayed out of my remaining diet soda, and I am not sure what to do with that.  I'm sure I had a lot of calories today, but it felt pretty good.  I don't really regret it at all, but as of tomorrow, I will try to reign it in to about 500 calories a day.  Just plants and kefir.  YES, some of them will be fermented, and some fresh, and a lot of it will be cabbage and carrots and peppers, especially in the form of kimchi.  In fact, it might be good to make a little meal plan right now.

Daily meals for this week:

  1. 1 cup plain kefir, whole fat milk, multivitamin  (150 calories)

  2. 1 cup kimchi, which I want to limit because of the quantity of salt (50 calories) (200)

  3. 1/2 head of regular cabbage, raw or lightly micro-steamed, no salt, with ACV (150 calories) (350)

  4. 2 cup carrot strips/ slices, lightly micro cooked, or 3 cups cucumber slices; optional jalepeno slices, garlic, ginger, avc (50 calories) (400)

  5. Frozen veggies (100 calories) (500)

All meals will be taken with 32 oz of water, unsweetened ginger tea, green tea, or mint tea!  Hydration bitches.  Esp. with the kimchi salt.  I have a bottle of green drink from bolthouse farms if I have some sort of emergency or someone I live with just decides to be really annoying, and I don't wanna be in the kitchen with them.

I'll try to make my best effort to eat these meals 3 hours apart, but if I get caught up in something, I could just as well end up eating two at a time, or skipping one.  Probably won't skip any, though, because that could end up causing more problems than solutions.  SO, for the next eight weeks instead of four, I will accomplish this fast in increments!  Muah ha hahaha!


--End of Fast
Butterfly Girl
moon_and_water
I would love to say I could have been one of those testaments to the power and amazingness of fasting, but I had to cave today.  I was having such INSANELY painful gas, that I knew that this had to end.  It was my only option.  However, I won't let this stop me from fasting for 33 days in total.  Once my system stops being full of painful gas, I am going to do a two days on, two days off pattern.  My on days will be 500 calories of clean vegetable food, mostly cabbage and kimchi, watery juices made FROM cabbage and kimchi, and kefir.  Today... today, I wasn't worried about the calories.  I got some cashew chicken and goat cheese and spinach pizza.  Fairly healthy choices, all things considered.  The cashew chicken from the place I enjoy is very vegetable heavy, and has a light, non-oily sauce.  The spinach pizza was also not a big dense cheese pizza.

Note to self:  ^55

7 days, 0 hours, 37 minutes and 15 seconds
Butterfly Girl
moon_and_water
Okay, the peppermint tea seems to be helping considerably.  I'll probably get a boatload of ginger, too, since I really love ginger tea, and that's also a great stomach settler.  A little annoying to have to boil it as long as you do, but it's worth it.  I can make a big gallon of it, and every drop will be delicious.  <3  You know, I notice that my breath today isn't as bad as it was before.  My BO is still a little weird... but lessened in severity.

And would you look at THAT shit?  7 days!  Almost on the dot, as I write this.  (I started much earlier, and just got distracted in other windows.  And you know, relatively speaking, since 37 minutes isn't a lot when you're counting days/ hours, mostly.)

Welp!  I'm gonna hop into bed.  Tata.

Edit:  Oh!  Right.  I forgot that I've made a decision.  After this fast, I will do 500 calories per day for another month, of just watered down juices and/or vegetables.  I want to focus on fluids, though, so it's kind of like a second month of fasting, where I'm filling up on liquids.  Preferably very, very nutrient dense liquids.  I should add a decent multivitamin and probiotic to my diet, as well.

6 days, 21 hours, 10 minutes and 12 seconds
Butterfly Girl
moon_and_water
Had some crazy nausea starting this morning, but I figure that that will subsist soon enough.  Probably just a healing crisis, or my stomach trying to pass some old waste that isn't coming out in a timely manner.  I woke up from sleep with this horrible feeling, immediately pooped, and went back to sleep.  I didn't feel entirely better, but it was somewhat better.  All day today, though, stomach pain, ever since that.  I probably need to drink more water.  I don't think I drank as much yesterday as I had all the days before.  Still, though, if this continues, I may have to try taking an enema tomorrow.  It's just... horrifying, thinking that I've pooped every day except two, out of seven days of fasting.  What the HELL is stuck in there?  x_x  Gross.  Still, I don't want to do the enema unless I just feel desperately bad.  I can take some malaise.  Although, it really, really hampers my desire to continue fasting.  You know... I think I'll do a saltwater cleanse.  I've done it before, and I'm comfortable with it.  :|  My only reseveration is the fact that I've had very little salt for the past few days, and wonder if it wouldn't cause my body to go... YES, SALT!  And then... suddenly absorb the water instead of pass it through.  So... again, rrrrgh, man, I don't know.

Hm!  I will drink some mint tea, and see if it helps.  BRB, interwebs!

5 days, 11 hours, 46 minutes and 42 seconds
Butterfly Girl
moon_and_water
138820757960

It's a new record!  Yaay.  Also this makes me really, really confident about making it a full week.  Two weeks.  Maybe even the full 33 days.  It's hard bein' an addict, but I can get clean.  Even if I need my addiction to LIVE in the long run, I can conquer it and use said substance responsibly, like everyone else.  Also, who wants to be a 300 lbs blimp?  Not me!  That's who.  And I won't be.  Even if I discover that it gets way too hard after the seven, ten, fourteen, twenty one day mark... I still know I can fast for a period of time on a regular basis, and lose loads of weight.  Woo!

4 days, 21 hours, 9 minutes and 7 seconds
Butterfly Girl
moon_and_water
Just a quick check-in.  I'm elated that I've made it this long!  As long as I make it until I go to sleep, I'll be fine for five days, which will be a record.  And from there on out, each new day will be a record, too!  :)  I've lost about ten pounds, and I can definitely tell.  Sure, much of it is water weight, but if I avoid salt from now on, I think that water weight will stay off.  Realistically I know that probably only about 20 lbs will come off of me "for real".  That's my expectation.  If I get better than my expectation, then I will be very happy.  I'd be ecstatic if the two pound per day trend continued, and I lost 60 lbs.  Who knows?  I'll just have to wait and find out!

4 days, 13 hours, 57 minutes and 58 seconds
Bottle
moon_and_water
Link to the Timer

Wow, I wrote a long post here, and it just VANISHED because I errantly clicked something off to the side.  Rrrgh, I was playing a game, and became quite frustrated.  Where are my fucking autosaves, huh, LJ?  Fuck your shit!  I am so pissed, and I was saying I want to stuff my face.  I don't know how else to calm down.  Music seems to help a little, though.

Man, it's hard just letting myself feel my feelings.  You know, if I told my roomie RIGHT NOW, that I wanted Chinese food, he'd take me.  Right this second.  And I crave nothing right now, more than a huge tray of General Tsao's.  But I'm not going to let my addict's side tell me to do that.  NO.  Fuck you, addict side, we're fine, and we have been fine for five motherfucking days.

I'm considering as a reward to myself, that I may get a tattoo.  I've always wanted one, and I would like one to remind myself that I DID THIS.  That I've said no to food for day after day, and that I'm going to stay good to myself afterward.  Something with permanence, that reminds me every day.  But what would I put on myself as a representation of this?  I don't even know.  An empty bowl?  That seems stupid to me.

Health symptoms are improving quickly.  Even day by day.  Although I seem to be having some stiffness in my back, and occasionally a little pain in my lower abdomen, but it usually passes really quickly.

Something about my previous thought:  I may take my first sweets after this on my birthday, in October.  Being mindful that it's just for my birthday, and not letting it throw me into a fit of sugar binging.  I may also fast for a week after my birthday.  Is it weird that it seems like a reward to me, at this point?  It's stopped seeming like a task, and more like something I'm letting myself have the privilege and luxury of doing.  And I guess that's true, because many parts of the world struggle to have clean water and sufficient food.  Me, I have the fat stores to go for a month, and not even worry about it.  :/  But really, though it's more than that.  I enjoy it.  I enjoy not having the drama of food in my life.  Sure, I'm having to deal with things more.... but they pass more quickly than I ever anticipated.  If anything, stuffing my emotions down while I stuff down some food has classically made me hang onto emotions for much longer than I am now!  Because I didn't deal with them, not in the true sense.

I'm gonna post now, because I feel like doing something else.  I'll bbl.

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