- July 20th, 2014
Today marks the first day of my reboot. Instead of attempting to fast over a long period of time, I will be fasting three to four days a week, for a while, and not consecutively. Currently, my fasting pattern is to fast on Sunday & Monday, Thursday, alternating Wednesdays, and on Friday, I will only snack on veggies until dinner, which is the day I go out and eat whatever I would like. This leaves me free to have my treat meal on Friday, and hopefully, won't leave my stomach just insanely empty all the time, like attempting to fast for seven days did. Instead, it will be more like intermittent fasting that some people do, just padded out a bit more. My current caloric intake, on for the next four weeks or so, is going to be around 1200, except the treat meal on Friday. It really depends on how quickly I drop weight. I will be adjusting lower, every 15 lbs lost, until I'm out of an obese BMI (185). Between 185 and 145 (health BMI), I will probably increase my calories a bit and let it come off more slowly. But seriously, I have to get out of the obese range, like, NOW. Most people who are obese develop diabetes by 35. I know you can get it earlier and all, but while I'm not SUPER OBESE like those people who end up having diabetes at 20, the "deadline" is fast approaching. Gotta get this shit under control by any means necessary. I have read about people who did 800 calorie diets for six months, reversing their diabetes. What I am doing is about the same as that, overall. Actually it's probably a little better, because it forces my body for several days a week, where I'm completely running on glycogen storage. That seems like it will vastly improve insulin resistance.
Oh! I'm drinking kava on my fasting days. I didn't want to limit something that curbs anxiety so well, over what could not possibly be more than 150 calories. That's assuming that kava, a starchy root, is as absorb-able as plain flour, and that I consumed the entire raw load of the kava material, which... much of it stays in the bag. Like out of 6 tbsp, 4 of it is rough material that never gets through. You're just extracting the active components from it by squeezing it out of rehydrated root. So, pretty sure that the calories in kava are negligible. People who regularly consume kava can confirm this, many of them reporting weight loss, even those who are not on calorie restricted diets.
Every time I think about what I'm doing, I see it as the least drama possible. I don't know why I wasn't able to try something like this sooner. Maybe it was because I was paranoid about going the other direction on the eating disorder spectrum. But it's really not possible. I don't see myself as fat, even though I'm super thin already. I mean, I've never been thin, and if anything, I have been far too forgiving of how fat I ACTUALLY am. And I don't throw up food, or use laxatives to purge out food I have eaten. I do binge a bit, but the fasting has actually helped me get it under control, when done over a period of several days. Sure, if I wait too long on a meal on a regular day, I'll be inclined to eat too much. But if I don't eat for a couple days, and then I have a planned-out meal. I have used food to deal with all of my emotions, from good to bad. And I love food because it's delicious, and it nourishes me, and we all need some food in our lives, or we would just shrivel up and die. But fasting really helps me regear my head. It helps me realize how often I eat for the wrong reasons, and how much I eat that I don't need to eat. I ate a bunch of ice cream last night, just because I wanted to, but I have to stop doing that. The first couple of weeks after my five .. or was it six? day fast ended, I had a lot more control. Due to the side pain I had during the first week, it was hard to even eat particularly much at times.
I think that one of the things that stresses me out about food, is how much time and labor have to go into food preparation when you eat, day in and day out. And how if you want to weigh a healthy weight, you have to constantly monitor everything, or eat the same things over and over that you know don't make you fat. But you know, I get tired of eating the same things. I mean there's wonderful variety of the subtle nuances, but overall, most food is the same base components. Nothing whets the appetite like a couple days of fasting, and it would make the food seem so much more delicious, even if it's made of things I've had 100,000 times. As far as shopping and preparation goes, it is much less laborious, and so so much less drama for me, to think of one dish I want to eat, make two to three servings that week, and eat it during times I'm well hungered. This week, during the days I eat, I am having smoothies made of kefir, a banana, and a frozen fruit bar (they're about 70 calories- it's an easy way to keep a variety of fruits without paying stupid prices), thickened with gluconnan- coupled with a small granola bar for breakfast. Then in the evening, I will have a macaroni salad, with broccoli and bacon... maybe with a touch of cabbage, green onion, and carrot in there. If I want, I can snack on some veggies for lunch, just whatever is in the fridge, hoping that I can eat them before they go bad. I know I enjoy these foods well enough to eat them more than once, especially when I am actually quite hungry.